i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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