Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
