Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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