When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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