I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
