I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
