Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize