I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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