I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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