I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
