I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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