my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
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