You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
i drank out of a bidet.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
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