Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
She said her name was "party"
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
