He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
