All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
