I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize