He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
