Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
