is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
