the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
