I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
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We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
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Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize