Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Come share oat with me in your robe
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
