he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
