Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
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Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
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U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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