I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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