the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize