You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
