I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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