My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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