All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Can I color on your dick again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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