I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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