I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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