My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
