and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
