her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
