I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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