Barsexuality is the new black.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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