well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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