I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
