rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Randomize
