before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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