watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients