Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
