Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
