I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
