what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
