Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize