The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
