stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
