FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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