I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
