That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize