Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
