im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
