I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize