So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
