the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I look better un-naked...
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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