i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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