halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
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