Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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