Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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