He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
