I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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